Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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