I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
