the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
