a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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