Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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