Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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