Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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