Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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