when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
