Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
