Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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