She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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