yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
