I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's blow job season.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
