I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
