i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
