But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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