No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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