you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
