What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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