I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
