Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
