I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
