Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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