I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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