I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
