she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
