There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
