I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
