I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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