you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
