he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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