apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
