Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
