The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
