Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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