At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
