no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
