Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
