I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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