he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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