i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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