I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
