she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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