What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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