She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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