Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
