hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
