genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
