So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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